It’s Friday WOOOO!!
What does that mean to me? A cosy night in with a chicken kebab, some diet coke, my bed and a lot of Netflix. Sounds good doesn’t it?
Since being signed off work since Monday, I have had a panic attack every day and walked out of about 17 situations which could have led to panic attacks. It’s not been a great week for Pandora’s Box. I had an appointment on Wednesday with a Cognitive Behavioral Support Nurse at the Hospital, which is about 40 minutes away from my house and is way out of my comfort zone. I took my boyfriend with me because I knew I would be feeling quite anxious about the appointment, not knowing what to expect and how long it will take. I went in, and the room was a little box with no windows, it was so stuffy and had one chair for me, right next to the nurse’s computer, and another chair for Daniel on the other side of the room. She sat me down and started asking me all sorts of questions, do I get on with my parents? Do I like my job? Do I have any money problems? All things that would cause somebody to feel anxious. But I get on with my parents, I love my job and I have no money problems! She went on to ask how long have I had anxiety and things like that and I said ..well…as long as I’ve had emetophobia I guess, which I think is the cause of my anxiety! And she was stumped. Had no idea what to say next and said there isn’t any help (as far as she was aware) for emetophobia sufferers. She gave me a questionnaire to fill out, so she could get an idea of how extreme my anxiety is, and I got the top marks….as extreme as it can be. And then bam….panic attack kicks in…right there in front of the nurse and my boyfriend. Humiliated. I felt like I just wanted to get up and run to get some fresh air. I was shaking uncontrollably, sweating, I felt sick and I could feel my self getting dizzy. My breathing was getting faster and faster until the nurse recognized I was freaking out. She gave me two options, I either walked out and tried to sort myself out, or I could deal with the anxiety there and then, with her help. And I did, she helped me slow my breathing down and take control of myself. That was the first ever time I had stayed in any situation when panicking. First step, complete!
Going back to work will probably be a different story, but at the minute I am thinking positive and saying to myself that I will NOT have a panic attack at work. Today, I am feeling a lot better, I have actually bothered to do my hair and makeup for the first time in a couple of weeks and I’m feeling good. It must be that Friday feeling.
I’ve made myself a little to do list for next week, to keep myself on track of everything and to stay focused:
- Read through all the paper work the nurse gave to me
- Make an appointment with the private psychologist
- Clean my bedroom and my car
- May’s favouites blog post
- Get myself ready to go back to work
What things are you hoping to achieve next week? 🙂
Thanks for reading,
Lots of love, Laura x